An E-mail followers story.

A different type of FLR, their method deals with spanking and cock cage, I don’t use ether.

Hi Dorinda,

I thought you might enjoy one couple’s story on a Wife Led Marriage as I believe others can benefit from how we made it work. 

Why a Wife Led Marriage is Marriage You Want 

When your husband decides to confide in you, his wife, that he has submissive feelings and wants you to take on a dominant role in your marriage, many wives feel quite confused and often distressed at this news.  I was there and I understand, however, I want you know that despite what seems like a disturbing proposal from  your husband, I can assure you that despite your misgivings now, you can rest assured that pursuing this role with your husband will lead to a deeper, more intimate, more stable, and more beautiful marriage than you can imagine. 

I want to reassure you that your husband is not abnormal.  In fact, I would be willing to guess based on my exposure to other women’s husbands that I have met along this journey that your husband is well educated, intelligent, often alpha like personality in the work world, where he has earned great respect from his colleagues.  Because you carry that sense of your man from viewing him in the same manner as the outside world, you find yourself confronted with a reality dissonance.  In order to try to cut through much of the ridiculous information on the internet regarding Wife Led Marriages (WLM) or Female Led Relationships (FLR), my husband asked to me explain it to other wives, from my point of view.  Now, my point of view, may still not be yours, so don’t worry if how I look at a WLM does not exactly fit your expectations.  These relationships will always be custom made to some extent.  But if you use some of my story, you can skip through some of the misleading and ridiculous information that is out there on this subject.   

I am going to try to convince you that your husband showed tremendous courage in revealing what I am sure was quite a dark secret to you.  His shame comes from societies expectations that are simply counter to societal expectations.  Such expectations are subconsciously part of the wife feeling out of sorts with her husband’s confession.  All I would ask is to be open minded and appreciate how simple it will to be meet your husband’s needs and more importantly how YOUR needs will be met far beyond your expectations.  

My Story 

My husband is the classic paradigm of the type of men who seek a submissive relationship with his wife.  He is a successful entrepreneur who has a worked hard to provide for his family.  He has always had a very sweet demeanor with me and has always been a good father and husband in general.  Our marriage seemed a likely story you can imagine hearing about from any couple.  Passionate at the beginning, but after kids and 15 years of marriage, there was a cooling off that initially I thought were the symptoms of an affair.  He begin less interested in sex, more easily irritable, not paying attention to my needs and seemingly distracted.  My concern drove me quite crazy.  I began to snoop and spy on him to determine what was the cause of his changed behavior.  It didn’t take long for me to figure out that my husband’s “affair” was with pornography and frequent masturbation.  I was extremely upset and felt he was betraying our marriage.  I demanded that he bring a stop to this activity.  He would promise that he was done with it and he would stop, but time after time, I would catch him returning to his old habits.  I decided to sit down with him and demand we come up with a plan to stop his selfish habit.  I was pushing for counseling, but after much stammering he asked me to read “Better Spouses” and sent me the below link: 

  

https://toy4her.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/better-spouses-welcome-to-better-spouses/ 

The website outlines the two most important tools (Male Chastity and Domestic Discipline) to make a WLM work and I would recommend wives read through this 13 part series and then come back to this article where I will bring the details to help wives see how this can work without disrupting your family and enjoy a marriage that you will not believe was ever possible. 

Why Does My Husband Want Me to Dominate Him? 

I not sure exactly why my husband feels this overwhelming urge, but I believe on some level, both wives and husbands know that in general the wife is far more capable of managing her husband than her husband can manage herself.  From what I learned, many men who have the burden to direct others in their work world need to be able to leave that world in order to be able to effectively return to that world on a daily basis.  Thus, they need a safe place in a trusting loving relationship and they can trade places and who better than their wife.  I also believe that many of these men have an absolutely irresistible urge to worship their wife in a particularly erotic fashion.  One thing is for sure.  Men who have these submissive feelings are unlikely to overcome these feelings.  I believe most men who don’t have the courage to tell their wives end up using porn with a female dominant theme to continually relieve their submissive feelings.  Thus, I strongly recommend to wives to take hold of their husband’s needs and refocus that erotic energy on their marriage.  To date, the woman I know who have taken this route not only enjoy their marriage in a way they didn’t believe was possible and not one of them have ever wanted to return to the way things were.  In some cases, their husbands do reminiscence about the days where they could so easily “take matters into their own hands,” pun intended.  But every wife has made it clear to their husband that there will be no going back to a marriage that they feel in retrospect was missing so much love and intimacy that now is in abundance making their marriage near perfect. 

Why These Tools? 

If you have read “Better Spouses” you know already that the focus of this article utilizes male chastity and spankings.  First, I believe that for most wives these tools are relatively ,more understandable for the wife to grasp and accept as a means to manage her husband, even though it will take some convincing on her part that these tools are really easy to work with and not as weird as she initially thought.  Personally, I have found that these tools work extremely well together and even compliment each other.  The tools when used as I describe will essentially allow a very time effective and easy way to transition the marriage into a WLM without significantly affecting your day to day lifestyle.   

Personally, much information on female dominant websites describes mind bending changes in lifestyle that can be used, but I believe entail complications.  Yes, if the wife wants to begin pegging her husband go for it, but most wives are not ready to wear a penis and they will be somewhat put off by the necessary preparation and precautions that need to be done prior to pegging your husband.  Feminization is often a well described tool on the internet, but again, most wives are not really interested in seeing their husband in a dress and definitely aren’t ready to share their make up, although I did find putting my husband in panties to be a useful tool, but not for the purpose to feminize him, but rather as a tool to keep him on the humble side.  Real feminization can be very time consuming and can cause significant embarrassment for their husband if he is exposed to the family, friends, and or work colleagues.  Cuckolding, a potential land mind for a marriage, will also entail having to involve other people and I believe most wives will not be enthusiastic moving in that direction, at least when heading down this road initially. 

Now, I believe that wives in WLM needs to know all about her husband’s little fetishes, as they need to be able to understand their husbands’s sex drive as easily as cracking open a book and reading its contents.  Taking control of your husband means taking control of what turns him on and using it as part of your tease and denial strategy.  What I am describing are the two basic tools that will work effectively, with minimal distractions from your family life that will not make this transition burdensome and a reduce the degree of the wife feeling she is making a huge leap from with respect to what she is comfortable with.  Once you have conquered chastity and spanking, you are ready to consider all the other tools that you think will work for you and your husband, but chastity and spankings are the basic tools that I believe every wife should start with. 

Chastity Devices 

Although you will likely start out with a cheap Chinese knockoff that is made of plastic, steel, or silicone, I ultimately believe you need to move beyond them as quickly as possible to a small device that requires a piercing to secure the device to the penis.  Now, I know that this is an area, where most wives have concerns about piercing their husband’s penis, but once you realize the disadvantages to a ball trap device that is easily defeatable and realize how much better looking, cleaner, and less disruptive to your husband’s life, especially sleep with a small frenum secured chastity device, wives ultimately find such a device the only way to go.  The most popular piercing is admittedly a PA (Prince Albert) piercing, but this piercing is I believe a more advanced piercing which also disrupts the urinary tract.  Frenum piercings are like an ear ring piercing (but a little large) under the head of the penis, and they utilize extra skin (frenulum perpuce) underneath the penis next to the glans.  

I will not bore you with all the issues we had with a ball trap device, but by describing the many advantages of a frenum secured chastity device, you can see why we ended up here.  First, not needing a ring around my mans testicles to secure the device made a huge difference for both myself and my husband.  No longer would his erection pull the ring against his testicles causing him to wake up in the middle of the night in pain.  My hubby works long hours and he needs his sleep to be functional at work.  Second, it much easier to keep clean.  Less coverage of the groin area leads to easy cleaning, better hygiene, and far better for your husband to take part in athletic activities.  Since my husband’s device is completely made of nylon, it weighs less than 8 grams, can travel through TSA and it is only noticeable if my husband is naked, otherwise it is extremely stealthy. 

I need to make an aside here.  Many members of both sex, believe that a chastity device that does not completely prevent erections is simply not a chastity device.  I believe this concept is non sense.  Although the data is unclear, I have spoken to a couple of urologists and both have expressed concern about causing long term damage to erectile function as their man becomes older if night erections are continually held at bay.  But I really don’t need a urologists to know that if nature demands male to have multiple erections overnight, that not allowing the penis to become erect is a bad idea in my mind.  I dearly love my husband and I am always weary when what I am doing defies nature.  In fact, my reason to promote chastity came from believing that chronic masturbation defies nature as it short circuits a mans biological need for his wife.  But more on that later.  A frenum secured chastity device is custom made to your mans dimensions and it works by squeezing the urethra when he becomes erect, much like the “squeeze” technique is used to prevent premature ejaculation.   

Other advantages of my husband’s small chastity device is the fact that I have easy access for teasing his penis.  Tease and denial are what make chastity work.  Thus being able to easily stimulate parts of his shaft and head of his penis and know that he can not cum is really what is necessary for a chastity device in my mind. If you get a frenum piercing, find a professional who can make sure it is done using sterile technique to prevent infection.  The procedure does take about 4 to 6 weeks to heal, so you need to be patient with using the chastity device until that time.  I recommend to wives to use that time to research the WLM lifestyle so you can become comfortable with it.   

Why Chastity as a the primary tool? 

When my husband finally admitted his dependency on porn and chronic masturbation, he made a remark that he simply can’t be left alone with his penis.  Funnier now than it was then.  But once a compulsion for masturbation exists, it likely has developed into an addiction.  So male chastity as a tool was both very understandable to me and my husband as a necessary ingredient for us to move forward in our relationship.  In other words, neither of us had difficulty wrapping our head around this idea, especially in light of how prevalent the use of such devices are now.   

Also, male chastity devices are working for the wife all the time.  Now a wife simply can’t put a chastity device on their husband and walk away thinking it will do all the work.  in fact, I would argue that if the wife wants this as her definition of a WLM, I think neither are ready to move forward with a WLM as her husband will feel neglected in this scenario.  For the wife, a chastity device allows her to feel assured that her husband can’t masturbate and will now become dependent on his wife to provide him the precious gift of sexual satisfaction.  As I will discuss further, tease and denial is a necessary element that goes along with your husband wearing a male chastity device.  Once on his penis, the wife will be free to flirt with her husband and tease him constantly with minimal effort, while feeling assured that she will ultimately control when and how her husband will cum.  

Understanding the male brain’s chemistry in terms of how it affects sexual arousal is an area that I think women find very foreign to them because a male’s hormonal sex makeup is so very different than the female’s hormonal makeup.  I cannot pretend to do justice to this subject, but I would recommend reading a very thoughtful detailed description of the male hormonal pattern with respect dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin in the link below: 

   

https://www.reuniting.info/node/4865 

I think the easiest thing to compare it to is the hormonal changes that occur if you don’t eat.  You will not choose to feel hungry, rather the hormones you produce create a persistent and every increasing need to focus on finding food.  Keep depriving yourself of calories and your entire mind will be consumed at the thought of eating food.   In other words, once your husband is locked in his chastity device and properly teased, his hormonal makeup will literally consume his mind to find ways to please his mate, in order to achieve orgasm.  You can see this same behavior in the animal kingdom, where males will risk life and limb for the opportunity to mate.  However, with modern technology and porn on tap, your husband can easily bypass the effort to please his wife and simply enjoy the orgasm through masturbation, essentially ruining the male’s dependence on his wife.  Once the ability to self pleasure is gone, the compelling force on the husband to find favor with his wife can be so powerful that a husband can literally feel an overwhelming need to express love and affection to their wife. 

I am hopefully clarifying just how powerful male chastity devices are and why a wife typically accepts this as a way to reignite intimacy in the marriage.  The chastity device prevents masturbation and infidelity, it essentially compels the husband to find ways to please his wife, even to the point where the husband actually experiences pleasure by pleasing his wife, it works 24/7, it takes little time from the wife, it keeps the wife completely in control of her husband’s sexual release.  What really makes a chastity device the most effective is the ramping up of his sex drive through tease and denial techniques which I will discuss in detail as we progress.  Tease and denial are important to your husband, because it lets him know you are engaging him in this erotic dance.  It is a way for the wife to grant pleasure to the husband, but also keep him focused on her.  Through sexual teasing, he always gets a taste of sexual satisfaction, but not complete satisfaction until the wife decides it is time for him to enjoy a full orgasm.  It would be like the husband getting only appetizers to eat, but he is constantly wondering what he can do to get to the entree.     

Once your man is secured in a male chastity device, your ability to keep him on the edge takes little effort.  In fact, by taking that deep dive into what really turns him on, fetishes and all, I came up with a number of visual ques that act as an excellent motivators.  As an example, one of the most straight forward way to get his attention is a gentle rub over his crotch.  I like doing this to him whenever he doing an activity that I have asked him to do, such as clearing the dishes, cleaning the dining table, rubbing my feet, etc.  The beauty of this simple technique is that not only have I teased his penis leaving him hungry to please me, I have associated a non erotic activity with an erotic activity.  You will find that doing this, creates an automatic link in his mind such that doing the dishes, for example, feels pleasurable to him in an erotic way.  I have done this so persistently, that my husband has found himself both aroused and confused simply because I asked him to do things on my behalf.  More on conditioning your man’s submissive nature later.   

Other ways I tease him without trying.  My husband has an ass fetish and always likes to look at my ass, but I conditioned his response for arousal to be exceptionally heightened when I wear my very comfortable booty panties to bed or my yoga pants around the house.  Both show off my bottom and drive him nuts with arousal, but I really made no extraordinary effort to tease him.  Rather, all I did was wear the clothes I normally wear.  As an aside, I had gotten rid of my thong underwear because I found booty panties so very comfortable.  If you do the same, hold on to your old thong panties.  I occasionally use them on my husband. 

Now you may see a theme in which I am trying to convince you how little effort it takes to keep you man’s head in the game, not because I am recommending you spend as little time as possible to keep your hubby interested, but rather, I am showing you that you can be teasing and conditioning your husband and still keep up with the demands of being a busy wife and mother.  All it takes is a knowing wink when you catch him looking you over like a 15 year old boy.  Keeping him in a state of desire for you gives you the upper hand in keeping him in tune with your needs.  I will discuss more formal tease and denial techniques that primarily occur on our “Date Night.”  More on that in a bit. 

Using the Spanking Tool 

I introduce this tool after the discussion on chastity, as for many couples, this is the next step up.  Unlike male chastity, which is used primarily as a tool to make positive changes primary just for your hubby; spanking your husband is a tool that is equally beneficial for the wife as it is for the husband.  Why?  Societal pressure will burden a WLM in a persistent subtle way.   Your husband and your subconscious will constantly be at odds with dominant and submissive role reversals that are reflected back to us through our social and cultural environment.  Many wives felt weak being the boss with their husband.  Comments like, “it feels so unnatural” or “I feel awkward or stupid trying to demand my husband bend over and take a spanking.”  The first time you spank your husband, indeed it will feel awkward and stupid, but if you keep to a regular weekly schedule of maintenance spankings, by the 3rd or 4th week, you will feel quite comfortable taking your hairbrush to his ass.  Why? 

You can train to be a fireman, but until you actually get into the smoke and fire, the job will feel uncomfortable and awkward.  You may have learned about new skills, but you haven’t made them a regular experience in your job, so it feels foreign until it doesn’t.  Like in any job, it takes a doing that job a number of times before you soon are completely comfortable with the job.  Thus, for a wife to really feel that she is in charge of her husband, she must take on the physical nature of the role to be comfortable in that role.  Secondly, a wife does so much better by providing her husband regular weekly maintenance spankings, not just because of the repetition, but because it constantly helps both partners feel comfortable in their new roles.  As mentioned earlier, we have a lot of pressures in society that tend to try to push a narrative of the traditional dominant male and submissive female role that over time can make each partner start to drift into their traditional roles again.  For my husband, who is looked up to at work by an entire company, he often has difficulty keeping the two worlds apart.  Now, I want my husband to be the alpha male at work and inspire his employees, but I also need him ready to change into his submissive thinking when he is with me.  As an aside, I find it very erotic that I have the tiger by the tail who becomes a sweet little kitty cat when he is with me.  Similar to why some women love having a big dog that acts protective when a threat is sensed, but becomes a sweet loving pet when the two are together in a protected environment such as in their home.   

To clarify, maintenance spankings are regular spankings that are not meant to deal with poor behavior, but more for ensuring each party knows their role.  Make no mistake, maintenance spankings hurt and my husband looks forward to them until the first swat hits his butt.  I am sure you may find it hard to understand how my husband feels he needs regular discipline, but then hates it as soon as he gets it.  I really think he craves that I care about him that much to bring order and direction into his life.  I also think he finds spankings cathartic which is also how wives tend to feel about this also.  After a weeks worth of little irritations from my husband or seeing my husband start to loose the humbleness that he gains from these spankings, I think we both are looking forward to hitting the reset button, and a spanking seems to do the trick for both of us.  As for the husband, chastity keeps his erotic focus on me, but weekly spankings not only help reverse arrogance that will often creep back into the relationship, but it helps him know that this is NOT a game, this is for real…this is our lifestyle.  Although I don’t consider maintenance spankings punishment spankings ( a whole other topic), I do consider them a way to motivate my husband in the right direction.  So if the previous week, he has not been at his best, it is my job to reapply the right amount of motivation into his maintenance spanking, so some maintenance spankings take longer and hurt more than normal and of course vice vesa when he has been performing at his best. 

You will often hear descriptions of punishment spankings, which are far more severe than maintenance spankings.  When I am done with a maintenance spanking my husband has tears in his eyes, his bottom is shades or red, and he does beg to stop which I do when I feel he has had enough.  

On the other hand, a punishment spanking is meant to live in his memory for a life time.  His begging me to stop is meaningless to me.  I only stop when I am tired, he is far beyond tears with snot a spit coming out his nose and mouth.  It is an a real ordeal.  I like giving maintenance spankings but I hate giving punishment spankings.  I have given so few punishment spankings primarily because I believe the maintenance spankings keep behavior in tip top shape.  Now just to be clear, for those who think I am hurting my husband, in both cases, maintenance or punishment spankings, my husband always expresses his gratitude after a spanking.  He knows I really appreciate him expressing his need for these discipline sessions.  So much so that I often find myself in need of his oral talents after he has thanked me. We will get to the details of how this works in a little bit. 

Unlike male chastity, which occurs 24/7 without anyone but us knowing of its presence, spanking is potentially more problematic in certain situations.  For example, life is more likely to get in the way of his regular spanking on Saturday evening.  When we either are staying at his parents or my parents home while we are on vacation, I am not going to engage in spanking my husband in their home, or for that matter, anyone else’s home.  Further, sometimes I simply not feeling well or I have issues with the kids I need to deal with.  In those cases, my backup for missing his maintenance spanking is to put him in panties while he is home with me.  I have all these old thong panties I was planning on throwing out anyway, but I found another use for them.  If he comes home and sees a pair of thong panties on the bed, he knows that I am either not feeling well or it is my time of the month.  He knows that he needs to get those panties on right away.  He still wears his regular clothes over it that evening, but I will eventually bring him into the bathroom to check and see if he is wearing his panties and i will typically molest him without remorse just to make good use of my time.  As soon as I am ready to warm his butt up again, the panties are off and we go back to the original humble maker, my hairbrush.  

There is a lot of discussion about spanking technique, but I keep it simple.  I love using hairbrushes as I have several and I purposely leave them out in various parts of the house.  My husband will often find me lightly paddling my other hand, smiling, looking him in the eyes, and then asking naively, “How much longer till our date night?”  I personally do not like the more severe instruments out their like canes, but if you want more information out there, please review the most respected site out there on this subject.   

http://www.auntkaysdwc.com/ 

I am not a fan of feminization for our relationship.  In fact, I never let him go to work with panties on, since the work world is where I want him to be my alpha tiger, not playing dress up as a girl.  The panties, just like maintenance spankings, are to keep him humble when he is with me.  He looks absolutely ridiculous in them when he stretches them out and his penis often ends up falling out the side.  I often laugh so much, that I actually miss seeing him in his panties.  Of course me laughing at his situation just adds to keeping him humble. In his work world, he needs to feel empowered, not humble.  Humble is for me, but in his work world humble will not get him where he needs to be.  Now he is not arrogant at work at all, but he does have a natural sweetness that panties will only make worse and sweetness unfortunately does not win him contracts that keep us all fed. 

I want to say a quick word about humiliation.  I know that in the femdom, FLR, WLM community, humiliation is often discussed as an effective tool in helping train a man to accept his new role.  However, normally I try to shy away from this word.  To be absolutely clear, the power dynamics in my marriage stay strictly between myself and my husband.  I don’t involve any out side people and I would never demean my husband in front of others.  I am not a believer in female supremacy or anything of that nature.  I look up to my husband as he is quite brilliant, and quite a capable person and I feel lucky to be with him as he feels the same about me.  So I believe very much in keeping my husband humble to counter the cultural undercurrent that pushes him in the wrong direction.  But I never want him to be humiliated, as that suggests a more devastating blow to his self esteem.  Even when I am spanking him, I always talk to him so sweetly, reminding him how much I love him and I do this to make him a better man.  In fact, I rarely express anger to him in general.  In my mind that simply doesn’t make sense.  I hold all the cards to control his motivation.  If your pet was not behaving and you are the trainer, you simply can’t blame your pet.  Rather, I look at my training techniques and I will often redouble my effort using the very powerful motivating tools I have access to.  I will give you an example later when I show you how I got my husband back in shape. 

The Dirty Details 

Believe it or not, my implementation of my WLM takes me on average 1 to 2 hours a week.  I personally think this is a minimal investment in time considering that I am investing in my husband and that I have gained so very very much by taking charge of him.  Most of the “work” happens on “date night” which usually occurs on Saturday evening when the kids go out with their friends and we have the house to ourselves.  I never involve our children in our marriage dynamics.  In actuality date night has a preliminary session on Friday evening.  My husband know that on Friday night, he is not allowed to get in bed until we had our discussion to prepare him for Saturday.  I have him kneel by the bed, on his knees, naked, with legs moderately spread, so that I can see his penis straining in his chastity device, which by this point in the week after all his teasing during the week, is guaranteed.  I have him look into my eyes while I gently stroke his hair or cup his face in my hands.  I will have one leg crossed over the other with my free foot gently teasing his penis while we talk.   

This is when I give him a list of things I need him to take care of tomorrow (Saturday).  I will have him repeat this back to me while I continue to manipulate his penis with my foot.  Teasing him while I talk to him about his chores, sexualizes his chores and essentially helps him enjoy serving me.  In fact, I don’t demand obedience or submissive behavior from my husband, mainly because his brain chemistry has essentially made disobedience and dominant behavior nearly impossible.  In his state, he can not help but want to please me.  Rather, I see my job as making sure my husband finds great pleasure in obeying me and being submissive to me.  I know that this statement goes against what FLR descriptions are out there on the internet that state the FLR is all about the wife being happy and the husband’s needs are secondary.  I think this is a bunch of BS!  Absolutely my needs come first, but that comes from the fact that my husband gains great pleasure serving me.  I love my husband and I want him to thoroughly enjoy worshiping me.  Thus, my job to make sure husband is euphoric at having the opportunity to please me.  That is why my husband has willingly handed over the reigns to his motivation centers.  He has essentially asked me to please keep him in a state of near overwhelming love for me.  What wife who loves their husband, wouldn’t do this for him, especially in light of all the wife gains from this relationship? 

To get back to Friday evening, we then head to bed just like a normal couple.  I often will continue to lightly fondle his penis until I fall asleep.  The next day, my husband will wake up early and run 2 miles as part of his regular exercise routine (more on that later).  He will then shower, come wake me up and provide me with a 30 minute massage and foot rub.  I always like to add a touch of sexuality to a message by telling him he can suckle my toes or kiss and nuzzle my ass for a few minutes after the 30 minutes are up.  Then, he runs down and makes me a simple breakfast and something for the kids.  Once I am up, I eat breakfast together with my hubby and then I have him help me shower.  Now, I really don’t need him to help me shower, but he so loves the opportunity to serve me in this way, that I am willing to enjoy him fawning all over me.  I have a strict rule that while in the shower with me, he must be kneeling.  I will let him wash me from the hips down to my feet.  Again, this stimulates his submissiveness to me.  I am usually in the mood to have him make me cum by orally pleasing me.  Once I have cum, I will often give him a special treat by turning around and demanding he worship my ass and lick my asshole.  Some wives may find this beyond their normal tastes, but I can assure you that if you have cleaned up with soap and water back there, it is safe for your husband and he will love you for it.  His feeling of submissiveness when doing this to me overwhelm his senses.  He absolutely loves doing this to me.  I often require a vibrator to cum when he is doing this to me, but cumming this way is incredibly pleasurable.   

After our shower, he starts working on random things that I have assigned him that day, I also make sure he gets some quality time with the children.  As an aside again, I don’t load up my husband with chores just because that is what is written about in blogs about WLMs or FLRs.  He works 8 to 10 hour days, brings home additional work to complete that evening and he is often exhausted by bedtime.  When he gets home, I have dinner made and he is expected to clean up after and help with my son mostly with his homework.  But other than these basic tasks, I don’t feel the need to put my husband in a maid’s outfit so that I can supervise him cleaning a toilet.  We are fortunate to have a maid that comes regularly and I simply have better things for him to do.  I need him to have time to be a husband and father.  I am not wasting his valuable time playing maid.  Plus i don’t get anything out of it at all in terms of feeling that I am special because I got him doing the vacuuming.  I make this point primarily to express that WLM should not be formulaic and look at what really makes sense to you and the husband you love.  

As Saturday wraps up and our kids begin to abandon the house to spend time with their friends, hubby knows date night is ready to begin.  The only encouragement he needs to run to the bedroom is for me to make some comment like “Is Mr. Happy ready to come out and play?”  I usually like to take my time getting up there knowing he has to get into his restraints.  I have him use thigh cuffs.  They are simply bands around each thigh that lock together.  On the outer portion of the thigh cuffs there are D-rings where wrist restraints are attached.  I love this design of restraints because they are simple, easy to use and can be  used on hubby for quite some time without becoming uncomfortable.  Further, his penis feels so close to his hands, but still just out of reach.  Just another way to tease him. 

I initially made the mistake that my husband would voluntarily return to his chastity device once off.  He made some excuse about needing his penis to ‘breath a bit” before putting it back on.  Next thing I know, I find him in the shower working it like there was no tomorrow and that was just after I had made him cum already.  I think that if your husband chronically masturbates, his compulsion is more like that of an addict.  And you simply can not trust an addict to be able to deal with temptation.  I eventually had to wait for him to go to sleep and put the device on before he could wake up.  His punishment spanking afterwards was an event that he will not be able to forget anytime soon. 

The new rule became that hubby MUST be restrained to my satisfaction before his chastity device is removed and the device MUST be locked back in place before his restraints are removed.  In reality, I believe most husbands given their weakness would want to have some free time with their penis like they did in the old days.  I simply was way to happy to allow things to revert back to how my husband behaved in the past and how it affected our marriage.  Once this new rule was instituted, my husband was more able to accept his new reality, which deep down he loved, even though being able to self pleasure at will was a hard thing for him to give up.  He even commented that no longer having a choice to get back into his chastity device anymore felt reassuring to him.  He felt that he could better accept his future knowing that his wife wasn’t not going to allow him to slip back into his old ways.  

Once I have arrived in the bedroom, my husband is lying naked on the bed, face up, as instructed, awaiting me to lock his one free wrist.  I always check his restraint after I found one his locks not completely locked.  The spanking following that attempt was almost as severe as not getting back into his chastity device the first time.  I like to take a quick shower and clean everything up down there.  I also carefully place his favorite perfume on my hips, inner thighs, in the crevice of my ass, and on my feet.  The powerful nature of association occurs between serving me sexually and his sexual arousal, so that when I where this perfume on my neck or in between my breasts during the week, he will be sexually teased, again with minimal effort on my part.   

I typically start by climbing on the bed and aggressively sitting and grinding on his face in either direction depending on my mood and begin to enjoy his mouth and tongue.  Over the years, I have trained him to know what I like and became far less shy about telling him what my needs are.  After I have cum I leave my juices on his face.  I like the idea that he will continue to enjoy my scent during the rest of the session which will involve heavy teasing.  I am always thinking about conditioning him to associate my smell with sexual arousal.  The effectiveness of conditioning him repeatedly has really made my husband enjoy being submissive to me and I have been able to get him to add my kinks to his list of favorite things through this technique. 

After I have cum, often more than once, I like to sit on his legs while facing him and began to manipulate his penis.  I always place a cock ring around the base of his penis to heighten his sensitivity and to prevent him from making a mess until I decide to let him orgasm.  This period of our date night involve edging my husband while I discuss matters with him.  Edging is the process of bringing your man as close to orgasm as possible, then stopping, let him cool down for a few seconds, and then stimulating him again to the edge of orgasm.  Since has been denied all week and teased persistently during the week, he is extremely easy to edge with only light strokes under the head of the penis.  I always keep a bottle of silicone based sex lubricant next to the bed.  My fingers are always very slippery, so that little strokes with my fingers are all that I need to do to keep him on the edge.   

I use this time in different ways at different times.  Sometimes I like to get him to confess things to me.  So I will first edge him several times until he is practically drooling out the side of his mouth.  You can see your man reach what I call an “Erotic Hypnotic State.” (EHS)  Now I don’t know if he is truly hypnotized, but I can tell you, that in this state, your husband’s mind is easy to manipulate and extremely open to suggestion.  My husband knows that confessions to things like trying to defeat his male chastity device, attempts at masturbation, or looking at porn will be dealt with during spanking time, which follows his orgasm.  But, I find that his mind is not capable of considering that consequence when he is in an EHS.  When I sense he is about to confess something, but trying to hold back, I simply began increasing the speed of my stimulation to his penis.  If he continues to hesitate, I slow down…if he starts talking again, I speed up.  He is completely defenseless to this technique. 

I use the same technique to probe him about other issues.  Men are often secretive and will hide his fears or concerns about work from me.  As his wife, I simply can’t allow that, so when has reached EHS, I will probe him about problems at work.  If I don’t sense there is anything there, I probe him about some of his kinky thoughts.  If he is thinking erotic thoughts, I like to know what they are.  I am a jealous women and if he is having erotic thoughts, I want to make sure they involve me and if they don’t, I make sure they do while he is in this very suggestible state.  So, I want to know what he is thinking and find ways to associate those thoughts with me rather than those old pornographic images that our still spinning around in his head.  The best part of him being in an EHS, is that you can add fetishes during this time.   

As an example, I felt a little unlucky that my submissive husband didn’t have a foot fetish like so many other submissive men did.  If you have never had your husband gently suck and massage your toes with his mouth, I feel you are missing out.  When I am not feeling well or it is my time of the month, I don’t want my husband anywhere near my vagina.  But I do love for him to suckle my toes while massaging my feet.  He would do it, but he did it because I asked, not because he was interested in it.  However, I began putting him in an EHS during our edging sessions while having my toes in his mouth, and within only 3 to 4 sessions, he couldn’t leave my toes alone.  By the way, to be able to play with his penis while you have your toes in his mouth requires a pillow that sits over his lap with arms and you have to put your husband up side down on the bed, so you can lean back on your arm pillow while sitting on his legs, place your toes in his mouth and let your fingers roam around your husband’s penis.  Not easy, but it was well worth it.  I use a queening chair for well…obviously having a relaxed sit on my husbands face when I am not interested in grinding on his face.  But I also use the space where is head goes over his legs so that my hands can play with his penis and my feet and toes dance all over his face and mouth. 

Other kinks I came by on accident.  While grinding my butt on my husband’a face, I let myself move too far forward and his tongue tickled my butt hole.  OMG, that was a very pleasant surprise and I had to have more of that.  This kink was easy for my husband to accept as he already loved my ass, it was just the next step.  You need to remember that once you have his tongue tickling around your little rosebud, you can’t allow him back into your vagina with his tongue until he has cleaned out his mouth with mouth wash to avoid risking a urinary track infection.  So I always cum using my husband mouth first. then I sit facing his head and I move my vagina over his nose.  I give him a devilish smile and tell him to start licking.  He knows what he has to do.  I usually am able to cum again with my clit rubbing around the bridge of his nose while his tongue is stimulating my butt hole.  Then to make sure he loves worshiping my anus as much as I do, I turn around facing his feet, shove my ass over his mouth and force him to cum while he is pleasuring me back there.  I only had to do have him eat my ass twice and he now begs me to allow him this treat.  Remember, conditioning your husband to associate submissive acts with his pleasure is key to taking control of your husband in a WLM. 

Towards the end of our edging session, I always have my husband express his gratitude for taking control of our marriage.  I don’t give him a script, rather, while teasing his penis, I let him express himself as to how much better is life has become now that I am in charge.  He knows that I like him to specifically describe how chastity and spankings has made him a better man.  Again, while he makes these statement, I am stimulating his penis, so these beliefs penetrate deep into his mind. 

Now after the edging period, hubby is looking so forward to cumming.  I have some simple rules I always stick to when my Hubby cums.  Husband is never allowed to stimulate himself to orgasm.  After his long history of masturbation, I never allow him to cum from stimulating himself.  He knows that his orgasm can only come from me and no other including himself.  Secondly, when he orgasm, it must reinforce his submissive feelings towards me, so he either orgasms while I am sitting on his face, also known as “Queening” or while I have my toes are stuffed in his mouth, reserved for when I am on my period.  I do make an exception for penetrative orgasms, but I will discuss that later.  Another way I make him feel submissive when he cums is I almost always want to hear him beg me to let him cum.  I will even tease him about maybe waiting for next week to let him cum instead of this time, and he can skip his maintenance spanking.   So far he has never expressed interest in that deal. 

With a week of persistent teasing, he has been known to make quite a mess, so i always have a washrag ready before I remove his cock ring.  After he has sufficiently begged me to my satisfaction to be able to cum, I set myself back on his face, remove the cock ring, and began stroking his penis aggressively.  Usually withing a few tugs, he is making a big mess.  I won’t stop tugging until he is trying to get away from my hand/  At this point, I am at the beginning of post orgasm torture, which at times I find necessary for him to get a point across, but normally I stop here knowing his orgasm is complete.  I immediately clean him up and reattach his chastity device. 

Now, I don’t like him cumming the same way every time and I do really enjoy feeling my husband cum inside of me.  Usually, once or twice a month, I tell him that if he lets me cum first during regular intercourse, he won’t need his maintenance spanking.  If not, he will have to clean up his mess, where ever he made it.  Of course, I know he will never last longer than a few seconds and I don’t mind, because I plan on cumming using his tongue anyway.  I just love watching him try to resist my charms.  He will try to not look at me, talk to himself about work, quote lines from Shakespeare, and his hands will strain in his restrains, but it doesn’t matter what he does.  He always starts cumming, usually in about 10 to 20 seconds.  I then work my way up to face and have him make me cum with his tongue.  There are times that I love sitting on his face so that I can look down into his eyes.  Seeing him struggle to deal with the mess he made in my pussy while trying to make me cum is rather fun to watch.  Similarly, I like to sometimes rub my vagina or ass over his penis until he cums and then have him clean me up again in a similar fashion.  For me, this is a real power trip, knowing that no matter how hard he tries to not cum, he simply can not resist me.  He also expresses how he sees me as a goddess, because of my ability to make him cum despite his best efforts.  I find him exceptionally worshipful of me after I do this to him, so I like adding this to the menu, so that he doesn’t always know how he is going to cum. 

The Spanking 

Once he is back in his chastity device, I leave him in his restraints and roll him over and sit on the lower portion of his back.  I find this a very comfortable position for spanking and I am surprised this position is not used more often.  Because I am sitting on him and he is restrained, he has little ability to move.  You can also wrap a belt around his thighs and ankles for complete immobilization.  Because we live in an area of warm climate and my husbands’s running shorts….are short, I like to be precise and make sure I spank him only on the fleshy middle portions of his ass, as I don’t want the marks to show beyond his running shorts.  Of note, spanking my husband after he cums is guaranteed to make the spanking process shorter as after a man cums, his bottom is far more sensitive to spanking, even after a ruined orgasm.   

Before I spank, I will generally caress his buttocks and I always, always speak to him very lovingly.  I tell him that I am spanking him, because I love him and this spanking will help him be the best husband he can be.  I also have him express his need for his spanking as I lightly tickle his bottom.  Spanking my husband and talking to him sweetly helps him understand that this is not done out of anger, but to help us both.  I always explain to him in one way or another, that in order for a wife to feel confident in controlling her husband, she needs to feel her authority.  In order for the husband to appreciate that she is in control, he needs to feel my authority.  I also remind him that I appreciate that he knows that this is necessary for both of us. 

As I mentioned earlier, I like hair brushes, because they are hair brushes and I can leave them out in plain view and no one asks any questions.  If you decided to use a hairbrush, I would recommend a solid wooden or heavy plastic one.  Now there are many styles of spanking.  I keep it simple.  I want to get it over and done with, not that I don’t enjoy the spanking, cause I do, but I also don’t want to prolong it unnecessarily.  So, I typically go at it, occasional stopping to let my husband catch his breath and also see if I am spanking his bottom fairly evenly. I do take pride in my work and I want to see a red rosy hue around that fleshy middle portion of his bottom in an even fashion.   This portion of his bottom has lots of cushion, so I don’t have to worry about doing any damage, yet there are plenty of nerve endings that will get my message across.  Every wife will know when she is done spanking.  I typically think about how he behaved during the week, how is he doing with staying in shape, has he been more than usually helpful or less and then normally helpful and I come up with a gut feeling about how hard and long I will spank him.  Because I am sitting on his back and can tell if he perspiring there, which is a good sign he getting close to done.  Also, I am accustomed to the color of his bottom when I am close to done.  I am attune to how his yelping and begging me to stop sounds, but that is not as reliable as objective evidence, like the color of his bottom and his perspiration on his back.  To be clear, this is very uncomfortable for him and he will be tearful when you are done, but it is well within his ability to tolerate.   

When first starting, expect the first time you spank your husband to be really awkward.   If you want to start with easy spankings the first few times, then do that.  Much like riding a bike, you got to get your bearings, so really have no expectations about how much to spank him or if you are doing it right.  Just do it and within a short period of time you will have a good feel for it.  When you want to be done, be done.  In time, you will begin to enjoy the process more and don’t be surprised if you get a little turned on.  Soon you will get into a good rhythm with your husband and you will have an almost intuitive sense that you have “made your mark” on your husband’s emotional state.  You are ultimately trying to bring him down from his post orgasm high so that he is back in tune to being submissive to you.  If you find that after you have spanked him and he doesn’t seem to be as submissive to you as he was before you let him cum, then you need to turn it up a notch.  If you find that your husband has a hard time sitting for over a couple days, you may want to tone it down a bit.  

Aftercare is when you communicate with you husband about the whole experience and get some feedback from him while also providing him with affection.  Your husband will very much need affection afterwards.  You should hold him, stroke his hair, tell him you love him very much etc.  Many husbands find that if they can please their wife in some way after the event, they can reset and move on better.  Thus many wives will encourage their husbands or orally please them after a good spanking.  For me, I typically am a little horny still after making his bottom red and so I like to tell him how much I love him as I am aggressively pushing his head between my thighs.  He describes this moment as the most fulfilling moment for him every week.  He is practically in heaven after cumming, being spanked, and hearing my cries of pleasure as he works so hard to please me down there.  He describes the feeling as being in a blanket of love.  So you can see why we both look so forward to “date night.”  I know it seems like a lot happens during “date night” but other than aftercare where I might enjoy some more attention from my husband, “date night” takes usually less than an hour. 

Rest of the Week & Body Worship 

A husband who is teased regularly, at least daily, during the week by his wife while in chastity will develop a need to please his wife.  The more sexual in nature to please her, the more he enjoys it.  Often, you will refocus that energy into chores, massages, and other less obviously sexual encounters.  As mentioned earlier, I feel as a loving wife who wants to keep her husband enjoying doing non sexual things for me, the key is to sexualize non sexual activities.  So typically during chores, I will often find an excuse to rub his crotch and whisper in his ear something very naughty.  When he massages me, I will have him take a take break from the massage to massage my ass or breasts while reach down and give his crotch a squeeze.  If he is massaging my feet, I will often have him take a break from rubbing my feet to suck and massage my toes with his mouth while the other foot messages his groin with my toes.     Making these activities erotic by association will create a pleasurable sensation and thus simply doing massages, chores, or any activities without overt sexual attachments acts as a tease and denial activity.  

But your husband will also need more explicit sexual outlet, which typically involves providing oral sex to his wife.  A well teased man in a chastity device will have a powerful psychological need to see his wife as a goddess.  I feel it would not be exaggeration to suggest that while erotic in nature, sexually pleasing his wife provides him an strong cathartic spiritual outlet.  From what I understand, the hormones in his brain are creating powerful emotions that make him feel this way and he simply can’t help but need to pleasure you without any need to receive anything in return.  In fact, because my husband only provides pleasure, but does not receive pleasure in return provokes feelings that he is indeed worshiping his wife.  I am sure my husband is unable to explain these powerful emotions he is helpless to overcome, he just knows he has them.  

Before going to bed, if we aren’t exhausted from the days activities, I typically will either simply ride his face or demand that he orally please me.  He really loves it when I demand him to worship my pussy.  The more bossy and more demanding the better.  Now we have two items you may want to investigate buying.  One is a queening pillow chair as shown in the picture above that I can rest my hips on and has an insert for his head.  This allows me to really relax and enjoy his attention with very little effort for me.  The only drawback is that it is harder to really grind on his face, which I do enjoy rubbing my pussy over his face as it helps me cum.  But, there is something about being able to just sit and relax and let my husband take his time in pleasuring me.  Also, I can easily extend my foot and rub his penis that is struggling to be full erect in its chastity cage.  The perfume I wear around my hips, legs, and ass tends to fill up the little airspace around his head, so he is typically in heaven down there.  He will work very hard on my pussy to get me to cum and I really enjoy taking my time and enjoying his ministrations.  The second item is a smother box that essentially provides the same as a queening chair, just smaller.  Both are easy to find in a Google search. 

Once I have cum, I often allow him to eat my ass.  Now, I can’t cum from this alone, but I have a cordless vibrator that I use while he licks my rosebud.  This often causes me to see stars when I cum.  I never have cum so easily and powerfully from just my vibrator, so I really enjoy his special efforts back there.  He knows that once his tongue has been in my butt, he isn’t allowed to return to my vagina until he has washed his mouth out with mouth wash and brushed his teeth, to prevent me from getting a urinary tract infection.  Now, I know some wives may have problems with their husband licking them in such an intimate spot and I can assure you that I had the same feelings until I experienced how pleasurable it can be and also I researched how to do it right.  I never let him insert his tongue inside, just lick the outside.  And I don’t let him even do that unless I have taken the time to get it supper clean just prior to him providing me this pleasure.  If you do this and you don’t have any communicable diseases that you are worried about transferring such as Hep B or C, you should be fine.  Remember, in general our germs in our mouth are far “dirtier” than in our ass and we don’t even think about that when kissing each other.   

As for the rest of the week, it is all about is little teases here and there.  I like to be as creative as possible and find new ways to tease him.  His mind goes particularly crazy when I wear a short skirt without underwear and bend over so he can see my goodies.  I only do this when we are alone together.  But my yoga pants, my booty panties, my crotch rubs, my dirty whispers are all it takes and I never do them when anyone else can see, so no one else is the wiser except my hubby and his poor constrained penis.  Using both passive and active teasing as I have described above along with providing him plenty of opportunity to worship my nether region, he is in a constant state of horniness.  And remember ladies, a horny man is an obedient and compliant man and your pleasure will literally be his pleasure.   

How I Fixed His Physique 

Before we got into our WLM, my husband had started to let himself go physically.  He blamed it on being so busy at work, but I think in reality chronic masturbation makes a man lazy.  Masturbation is about getting a great payoff without any effort and I think the brain starts to follow that pattern.  Once I realized how powerful the motivators that I now could manipulate to make my man a better husband, I wondered if I could use those same motivators to get him back in shape.  The answer was a big fat “yes.”  Now we both worked out before our WLM, but he did the minimum while I kept up my shape better.  Being a stay at home mom didn’t make it easy, but as the kids got older, I was able to devote some regular activities that kept me in shape.  Now, it was not easy getting my man in shape because he had a busy work schedule, but I was both determined and patient.  It took us about 2 years of my motivating him along with his personal trainer to get him in shape, but Oh Boy, it was worth it!  He went from Dad Bod to Hot Bod in that time frame and I loved it.   

Now getting him in shape was not easy and my husband got discouraged at times, even working through a shoulder injury, but I kept the motivation going.  We had month end goals that he had to hit.  When he hit them, I praised him, but when he didn’t, I never made him feel bad about it at all.  You don’t blame a dog for not learning how to sit, the trainer is the one who needs to make that happen.  I was his motivator trainer and I felt that if he missed his goals that simply meant I needed to turn the motivation levels to high.  So even though his weekly spankings at times were longer and more painful, i always explained to him that this was not punishment, rather just motivation to help him get to the goals he wanted anyway.  Also, I would tease him mercilessly during a month he didn’t make his goals and date night would be tease, deny, remind him of his goals, and repeat.  Also got a few ruined orgasms which really got him focused as he was super horny.  I would be there for every workout and I would whisper some very profane things in his ear; I would “accidentally” bump my ass into his groin; or I would get him to somewhere more private and manipulate his penis through his pants while telling him I had complete faith he could make the necessary changes to make his goals.  This always worked to get him super motivated.  Because I wanted to keep my husband fixated on my ass, especially during workouts, I learned to do squats regularly at the gym, often in front of him (he gets teased and I got a fabulous ass).  He learned to do them also, as I really enjoyed spanking him so much more when I had a tight cute ass to spank!  Admittedly, it was a lot of work for me, but it really paid off.  My husband knows if he gets lazy in that area, I know where to find his motivation and I am not afraid to use it.  Furthermore, he was so appreciative that I got him to do this.  He and I both realized that he simply wouldn’t have the motivation on his own and he really needed me to make it happen. 

A word of warning.  Like always, seek professional help to put together a diet and exercise plan.  I had my husband see a nutritionist and he had a personal trainer.  His trainer and I would work together on what he needed to do to get into shape.  I wasn’t shy with asking his personal trainer exactly what I wanted him to look like.  I gave the personal trainer some specs of where I wanted him big and where I wanted him small and together with my motivation and the personal trainer’s expertise, we made my husband a sexy stud.  Also, I want to repeat, I never criticized him or belittled him to get him to his goal.  I was certain that I had all the necessary tools I needed to motivate him and my job was to encourage and motivate and never criticize.  The goal of a WLM is to make being under my control and taking care of my needs and wants an extremely pleasurable, yes also sexually frustrating experience.  Criticism between a husband and wife is what disappears in a quality WLM.  Rather, WLM are built on love and positive reinforcement.  My husband slaves for me, literally, and because he puts me in the position of being his queen, I repay him back with overwhelming love.  That is why our marriage has been so beautiful since we took this journey together.  I hope you can find this place with your husband also. 

I must also clearly state that all the above intimate acts occurred completely in private, just between my husband and I.  Yes, if you saw us, you might see some very overt flirting, but otherwise we would seem like a very happy loving couple.  I never take on a bitchy attitude towards my husband nor do I need to order him around in a way that would demean him.  Yes, I am sure most people would consider our relationship bizarre, kinky, etc, but I can assure you that the time that we spend in our erotic world as a couple is is probably a few hours a week, and most of that is just a healthy sex life between a married couple.  I don’t count all the passive ways I tease my husband as time I take out of my from other activities.  My passive teases are just me being a fun and sexy wife.  The rest of the time we are by all measures a very normal looking couple.   

Make Your Own Story 

This was our story and I hope it helps you figure out your story if you and your husband decide to pursue a WLM.  Each couple will find what works for them.  Just don’t forget that you love each other and all that entails.   

One last word of warning.  If a wife rejects a husband who expresses his need to be submissive to her, I can tell you that those feelings do not go away.  As mentioned earlier, most men satisfy their need with porn and masturbation that reflect their submissive feelings and this will harm a marriage.  However, I have now recently noticed that there is a generation of women that seem to be more knowledgeable about successful men having these submissive feelings.  These women had no problem meeting that very basic need for a couple of married men I knew who ended up divorced from their wives and married to women who did not really love them, but did love the lifestyle of a WLM.  Thus, these women made their husband miserable and almost destroyed their lives.  A WLM or FLR has to be built on deep love and trust otherwise it is just abuse.  So a warning goes out to those who pursue this life style, men be careful of creating an FLR with a women you barely know.  And to women, think seriously about what your husband has asked of you and decide if you can’t find a way to make this relationship work for both of you. 

Tips and Tricks 

Every wife in a WLM needs to know how to ruin an orgasm.  If you feel your husband acting lazy, then you give him a ruined orgasm instead a full orgasm as he will remain very horny afterwards, but you have given him some relief and kept his pipes cleaned.  Also, when my husband is being almost too amorous, I sometimes get him restrained, take of his chastity device mid week and give him a ruined orgasm, never a full orgasm if it is midweek.  This does help him relieve just enough sexual tension without ruining his devotion to me.  Also, in our house, he has to have some humbling after an orgasm, even if it is ruined.  Usually it involves a spanking, unless we can’t get the necessary privacy.  So I put him in panties for the night when in a pinch. 

Another tool is post orgasm torture.  It really isn’t torture, more like feeling you are being helplessly tickled and then multiply that by 2.  I use this tool on occasion to really get him committed to a goal.  After cumming, I make him promise me something or else I just keep stimulating his penis.  He knows if he doesn’t get it done, next week will be even worse.  Not to mention the spanking that will follow. 

Working with my husband’s fetishes was really easy, except one.  He did have a cuckold fantasy, but I think even he knew that this was really more fantasy than something he really wanted me to do  Further, I had no interest in involving another person in our WLM.  I am by nature committed to one man and just don’t have a need to be with other men.  But I figured out a compromise.   After our edging session as described above, I would be ready to make him cum, but this time, I would just keep my sitting position on his legs while he is restrained and I would start talking about one of his employees, a really cute guy that all the girls were after.  As I stimulated his penis, I would ask silly questions like “Don’t you think he is so good looking?”  “I bet he has a huge penis…probably as big as my arm.”  “Have you ever seen his penis?”  “I am sure it is bigger than yours…right?”  Just a few questions like that, he is begging me to let him cum.  All I have to do is remove the cock ring and give his penis one to two pumps and his cum is everywhere. 

Lastly, I forbid my husband to look at pornography, but I do allow him to find erotic stories related to our WLM.  If he finds something that he really finds erotic, I want to read it also.  If I like it also, I will work it into our “date night.”  I like to keep the bedroom an exciting place, so I welcome fresh ideas as long as I find them appealing also.  I suppose some will call this “topping from the bottom” but I think that a real marriage is about sharing your desires.  As a loving wife, why would I not want to entertain ideas that enhance my husbands submissive fantasies while keeping things sexy in the bedroom?   

We also have specials days in the year.  My husbands days are his birthday and our wedding anniversary.  My days our Valentine’s day and my birthday.  In both instances, we try to find the weekend closest to this time, get a very nice hotel room and we dive into our traditions.  His special days involve me trying to determine the full extent to what he is sexually capable of in terms of the number of releases he can muster.  I get 12 hours of teasing and making him cum as many times as I possibly can.  The catch is that each time he cums, he has to receive that many maintenance spankings the following day.  He doesn’t even bother resisting the my first 2 attempts at making him cum as he knows it is useless.  However, the thought of so many spankings in one day starts to get his attention by my 3rd attempt at which point, he is really trying to resist.  Since we space it out over the day, I am on full tease mode, while we arexeating, napping, showering that day.  I play dirty as I know all his secret buttons.  For me, it is an ego thing to some extent.  I want my husband to see what I am truly capable of doing to him.  When he sees me forcing him to cum for the 6th time that day, he is truly in awe of me.  He is totally spent and his penis lies lifeless on his thigh.  He is exhausted and so am I.  We both need our rest for the spanking marathon that will start the next day. 

My two special days are really all about me.  My husband is to be my slave for 48 hours or so.  He does not get to cum at all, but we will be teased quite a bit.  Pretty much my day consists of him performing marathon massages interrupted only by my hand grabbing the back of his head and making him minister to my pussy.  He bathes me, shampoos my hair, takes me out to fabulous meals and then once again I rush him into our room after dinner where I promptly will have him service me again in the shower.   

Essentially marriage is about deep love and commitment to one another, but in a WLM both husband and wife can enjoy their marriage without all the stereotypical nonsense that you see on the internet.  You don’t get to enjoy each other forever, so don’t waste another minute and take a leap of faith and have fun. 

KC 

18 thoughts on “Another followers story

  1. A very insightful post, thank you Dorinda and your friend. Like always with posts like this I find a lot that I am familiar with or that I fully agree with (good, I am not alone, there are many submissive guys like me out there), some points that go against my experience or that I do not agree with (good, we are all different as well) and some exciting new ideas.

    The bottom line is that there can be no “one size fits all” in FLR or Femdom relationships and that it is all about communication, mutual respect and love. I wholeheartedly agree. Oh, and that Women rule of course 😀. Hardly surprising.

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  2. An interesting take that I also find very real. I agree with much of this though not all. The thought of being made to have Angus pierced is highly erotic (and scary) to me. But I love that she is all in to this lifestyle. I’d love to follow her if she has a blog!

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  3. Hi All:
    I enjoy seeing other couples views on our type of relationship.
    I was thinking about that many of you enjoy spanking; this is seen as a way to dominate and discipline your male sub. This couple enjoys using hairbrushes. I inflict pain and discipline on my husband I suppose you could say by punishing his balls by slapping, squeezing and kicking them.
    I do not do it often but enough for him to know I control him, both his penis and testicles. My favorite way lately is having him tie his ankles to the ends of a closet rod I had him go buy; He cut it 3 feet long and drilled holes in both ends so he can run cord thru the holes to tie around each ankle. This keeps his legs far apart so his balls hang in the open. Then with bare feet I go behind him and kick up between his legs to strike my prize, his wide open unprotected sac.
    It takes a few kicks before he falls to his knees. I make him get up and do it a few more times until he is on his knees moaning and begging me to stop.
    That is enough work for me, he is in pain but I have to do a lot of work. I like him to do the work in our sex life..
    D

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  4. Thank you for posting.
    Spanking can and often is a very very effective tool used by the Female in charge.
    I’m glad to read and see how their specific dynamics works.
    Thanks again

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      1. Hi ma’am. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods as well.
        My Wife and I are doing well. We have had our ups and downs in FLR. We both are attempting to make it work. We found that both her and I were genuinely happier when we were a 24/7 FLR couple. So we are back at it so to speak.
        A note * FLR takes effort, just like anything in life the more effort you give the better the “product” will be.
        I do hope your enjoying all that can be.
        Sincerely,
        Todd

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Dorinda. My Wife is no fan or serious corporal punishment, so most of my spankings (not frquent at all) are of erotic nature. Painful enough to make me transiently lose erection sometimes (especially if She includes my balls or anus in the treatment), but I stay aroused all the time and can usually get erection back as soon as I get with my face between my Wife’s legs. Erotic spankings and other painful treatments always conclude with my oral service and with no orgasm for me (I remain insanely horny and totally obedient; residual burning sensation or aching balls just further my desire to please). My Wife’s pussy usually gets very wet from such spankings and is easy to bring to orgasm so She obviously enjoys spanking me. That is why I don’t understand why She is not more enthusiastic about it.

    But those few “real”spankings that I received so far left me with tears in my eyes, not to mention all the moaning, yelling, squirming and begging for mercy nearly from the start (and very painful backside and some bruising arterwards). I also remember very well the humbling feeling of humiliation, deep shame (for what I had done to deserve it, not for getting spanked) and sincere regretfulness. I start appologizing and promising to behave immediately, it is absolutely not erotic, it takes quite some time before I can get hard again and much longer (days to weeks) before I can start feeling erotic about the event. Not that my Wife wants sex after such spanking, most of the time it is followed by a very long no-sex period for me (not for Her though). Now from the distance (my last serious spanking happened last year) it of course turns me on when I think about it. For me serious spanking definitely acts as a deterrent to my future serious disobedience. And in my case it doesn’t take much to take any form of spanking from erotic to seriously painful and hence disciplinary teritory. From what I read I know that in many FLR couples husbands are regularly disciplined (maintenance) and sometimes much harder than I ever was for punishment. I totally understand that it works.

    Yes, I like getting spanked. The major appeal is the feeling of being dominated by a sexy Woman and having no control over when, how, how long or how hard. The feeling of intimate exposure (humiliating positions) and vulnerability to my Wife and Mistress. That is why it turns me on to remember it or to expect it and fantasize about it. When it is in progress (even in erotic setup) I want it to stop as soon as I receive a couple of hard ones. I don’t act when I moan and beg (if I don’t have my Wife’s panties or socks stuffed in my mouth) I am not acting, it really hurts. Loss of erection is clear evidence. For the pain itself to be arousing to me it has to be either very special (my nipples can take a lot of heavy abuse) or mild enough. Otherwise pain on its own is not arousing at all. Context is nearly everything.

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          1. Hi Todd. Does your Wife use serious spanking to discipline you when you really screw up? My Wife almost never does (no stomach for it), She usually punishes me with sex (the lack of, no sexual intimacy for me, stuff like that, oh, and since about half a year ago even with grounding). It’s effective no doubt, and I behave most of the time, but I would prefer very hard spanking to weeks or a month with no access to Her beautiful pussy and ass. I know it is up to Her how She disciplines me, but spanking would be just as effective and it would be over quickly and we could move on. I really don’t need a month to sincerely repent.

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            1. Hi Tom.
              My wife and I live a FLR 24/7. She does in fact use domestic discipline as a corrective tool. She is becoming more comfortable with in it. Understand that that’s a big leap for a spouse to do so be understanding with your wife and positive encouragement to her on it.
              My wife does use disciplinary style corral punishment from time to time. Usually about ones a moth or as she sees fit.
              I assure you all fantasy and excitement ends after the first swat. They are very painful reminders on a behavior or infraction.

              Liked by 1 person

            2. Thank you for replying Todd. I know you are right. Don’t get me wrong, I have no intention to interfere with how my Wife deals with my disobedience or poor behavior, She will discipline me (or not) in any way She wants. From my limited experience I am well aware that serious disciplinary spanking has zero erotic appeal when it is being delivered from the start and for a long period afterwards (much longer than it takes for the backside to stop burning and all traces of spanking to dissappear). Regardless, I find a month of complete erotic and sexual neglect far more difficult to bear than getting spanked to howling and tears. Both make a lasting impression, but the former takes so frustratingly long before it’s over.

              Liked by 1 person

  6. Dorinda, we are disappointed that your postings of your early training of your husband are no longer available. Is it possible for you to re-post or describe your experience? Thank you for a great blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Yes, I see that now, your first post was on September 3, 2017. Your dominance was well established by then. How long did it take for you to accept and adjust to his submission, and what steps did you take to develop your rituals and expectations? Our D/s relationship is in its infancy, although we’ve been married for 49 years. She loves being pampered, but still asks rather than directs, and doesn’t want to be perceived as bossy. I love serving her, in all ways. How did you make the transition to expecting his submission?

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  8. KC,

    Thanks for sharing your detailed FLR life with the community. Really appreciate all the trade secrets, down to the health considerations of UTI when rimming. I too brush my teeth and rinse with mouth wash before cunnilingus since my Goddess expects frequent ass worship 🙂

    On a different note, WLM/FLR definitely strengthens the bond between the couple. Much of it hinges upon the kink of the hubby and the wife’s ability to leverage it. However, as we age, the hubby’s libido is bound to decrease. You seem to be someone very well researched into the lifestyle. Any thoughts on how aging and decreased libido impact the dynamic in later years?

    bryan

    Liked by 2 people

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