This part one of a series of posts about how to find a good Dominant Girlfriend or Wife.

 

I have many email relationships that started from people reading my blog and contacting me. This is an honor to be trusted with personal questions and pictures from my followers.

The main topic at the moment (The reason for this series of posts) have all come from men.

If you have read my blog for any length of time you would know my intent was to communicate to other Women. However, I see a need for men to talk to someone with their frustrations and desires about Femdom. Femdom is a very general term, please keep this in mind. (My definition is a full time man under my sexual, financial, and home life control, a good reliable man that wants all my desires fulfilled)

This post is only my opinion based only on my observations and personal relationships; I can be wrong and be totally off base in your world.

Here is how to get into a Femdom D/s relationship from scratch.

Some say go to a munch, I don’t!, It may work for you but their are thousands of Women around you looking for a good man. Once you find Her you can Help Her to accept your submissiveness. She is actually looking for someone like you.

First step is get your shit together. Get healthy; get yourself in great physical condition and health. Shower or bathe at least once a day, personal hygiene is imperative.Go to the dentist, get your teeth cleaned. Comb your hair, see a barber.  Wear clothing that is clean and pressed. Be sure to go heavy on the deodorant and light on the cologne. Look good always, I do not mean fake looking good, I mean feel it, have a great outlook on life, be positive always, in any situation..

Are you starting to see the above defined man? A nice, normal, man a single woman may meet at the gym, the Chinese restaurant, the grocery store, etc. You need to be on your game at any time, be someone She can be proud to show off to Her family and friends, She needs so much more than just a tongue in Her pussy.

Relationships start in many public arenas, not just in dating apps or munches. I can walk down the aisle in a grocery store and can tell if a man is attracted to me and me to him. This happens in seconds, like I said you need to be ready at all times.

Now, ready for what?

For the opportunity to start the very beginning of a possible relationship with no Femdom what so ever implied, just a chance to maybe meet again. You need to meet again many times to see if you are even compatible. In my day it was called courting, a slow or fast process in which two people can drop their guards a bit to attempt some closeness, some reality, a sexual attraction!!

During this time and all times for ever after you treat Her with dignity and the utmost respect, you open the door for Her, in a vehicle and any entrance or exit, you ask Her which table and seat in a restaurant she would like to sit in, you pull out the chair for Her and help it in while She sits, you tell Her how beautiful She looks, how her dress or blouse looks so special on her, you love Her shoes. You listen very close to her talking, turn your phone off. Look at Her eyes, not Her breasts.

BTW, you pay for Her dinner and drinks too.

Remember, this will be your future Dom, if you cannot court Her in this manor, you do not have what it takes to be a submissive to a mature Woman.

Remember, at this time you have not even mentioned you want to be Her submissive, in fact, its best to not mention sex at all until She brings it up. This may be several dates.

You need to be patient.. Good things come to those who wait. You have to start and enter a relationship before you can talk about it out of respect for Her.

Keep in mind all Women today get bombarded by assholes with hard cocks, dickpics galore texted or posted to them. They want different, they want a man that can control his urges and be kind and considerate.. Be the one out of ten men She meets today.. You stood out..

The pic…You have a very long way to go before She allows your tongue here, your investment in time will get you a long term relationship..

End part one….

D

aa2
A woman’s Power tool!

24 thoughts on “How to find a FemDom Woman for a 24/7 Relationship

  1. Great advice, Dorinda. The best basic site I found is cair4.com which is an old blog no longer active but the authors thankfully left it up. There’s lots of good basic info and some archives that reference a text that had more detail. I took everything super slow and read that site a lot plus Mark Redmond’s book ‘Worshipping Your Wife’ books 1&2. After 30 years my wife has progressed from being mild mannered and frustrated to dominant and happy when 3 years ago I changed my ways and then proposed a new relationship for us and then shared some web info. Sex is great, life is good….

    Liked by 3 people

  2. You are right on track and this part one could be used for any relationship… it’s just common sense and courtesy.
    It made me laugh though that 99% of the time a woman receives a dic-pic she probably rolls her eyes in disgust and 99% of the time a man receives or sees a pussy shot he’s like “Oh yeah!” 🙂 so… thack for the pic 😉

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  3. After 20 years in a steady relationship I am not sure I would even know how to court a stranger anymore, LOL. But seriously, unless it was a unlikely and happy coincidence the only way would be something along Dorinda’s lines. A high level of trust on both sides is needed and that doesn’t come overnight.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Tom:
      Right, I agree, omg the Men around here could never give me what I need now days.
      I think we are lucky to be in a relationships of the past.
      My husband was way to A type dominate in the first part of our live. I think because this is the way he was taught thru life and family. He has become a perfect husband thru time.
      D

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  4. I agree that going to Munches, and looking for women already into certain power dynamics and fetishes, may not be the best path. Someone already in the Lifestyle will have certain expectations and checklists. All the most successful dynamics I’ve seen have started out far from where they ended up — only the strength of the relationship and the openness of the partners led to trying things until they found what worked. That’s how you and your husband moved into where you are. If he had, at first, said to you, “I want you to piss in my mouth and kick my balls” you would have said no.

    So the “trick” — which is not a trick but the way the world works — is to find someone you want to be with and hope to introduce these elements along the way. It is a tall order — you want to have an idea that the person is at least open to possibility. It would be a huge disappointment to put the work in, find someone special and then find out that all avenues to the sort of power exchange, and all fantasies and fetishes, are closed off. You wish to serve and please your partner, you are willing to surrender and sacrifice, but there is the chance you will get none of the “special” experiences you have hoped for.

    That’s the conundrum. How to find and date someone through the normal ways, but learn to see the flags that signal there is room to explore in the future.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Satyr:
      Thank you for reading and replying.
      Your comment is right on point. I agree 100%
      I think the problem is as you said “the conundrum”
      If two people want to be together enough, the relationship can change.
      Also how stupidly foolish for the Woman not to embrace this life style once She is explained the dynamics and rewards of it.
      D

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      1. Dorinda

        I would gladly go slow with someone, get to know her, develop the relationship….but I would like to know that she has within her the openness to pursue some variation on this femdom dynamic. I can accept it will not hit every step on my checklist, but I do want to be able to see that *some* of what I desire will be in the equation.

        That’s what I am trying to solve. I totally get that pursuing a relationship within the fetish/kink community telescopes the pool of partners down to those who have already made the discoveries.

        Right now I am casually dating someone who has zero interest in chastity and denial. But is willing to let me do what I want. So I am locked in my cage right now, and will be locked the next time I see her — but will feel that I should unlock for her the next time. (I am hoping that I will be able to do most if not all of “Locktober.”

        We know from reading your blog that you did not start out with the knowledge, experience and preferences you have now. That came with time, from your relationship.

        Can you look back and recognize what was in you then, that led to the domme you are now?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hi Satyr:
          Honestly looking back I never had any Dominant desire’s. I was raised in a typical 50’s- 60’s household where the man went to work and the wife took care of kids and household.
          The idea generally was move out, get Married, take care of your husband and family.
          So If you get a chance to read my blog beginning to end you will see how it all came about for me. After being a vanilla wife for so long, it was a refreshing change. As I watched him want so much to please me It sort of grew on me. The opportunity changed my confidence, my view on men and marriages, I truly love my life and my FemDom ways.
          D

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          1. Dorinda

            I have read much/most of your blog, and enjoyed your honesty very much, and see in your relationship with your husband the sort of one that would work for me. I’ve looked within the Fet community but it doesn’t seem like a good and healthy kink relationship starts with the kink, the kink develops based on the boundaries and desires of two people who care enough about each other to explore.

            I recognize that you discovered your love of femdom through the slow and careful experience with your husband. My question was a curiousity as to whether you can look back now, and say “Oh, I remember feeling X when this happened to me” and belatedly see that it was in you all along.

            It is probably an unanswerable question — the one I’ve asked in a couple of different ways already. Is the capacity for femdom innate, something that is hidden in you, or is it something that is always possible to learn. It seems that some women would never be into dominance, even after being apprised to the benefits.

            I appreciate your responses.

            Satyr_returns

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  5. When I met the boy I didn’t even know what a munch was. We did meet online in a normal straight dating site. Because I/we are older and both have had long term marriages we didn’t know how to date or meet. He introduced Femdom and chastity to me. When he described his idea of a female led relationship I thought I could try that. I was not too keen on penetrative sex anyway due to some pain issues.
    The boy was kind, funny, smart and handsome. We had some intense and intimate intelligent conversations about sex and relationships. He had some experience and shared that with me. I had none. My boy likes feet and shoes we started with foot rubs. I told the boy to kneel, remove my shoes and give me a foot rub Damn he was good. A week later he was given a chance at oral sex, he was eager but not so good. I told him to buy a book, go online whatever but get better. By using slaps, hair pulling and verbal commands he got it.
    Anyway boys I think conventional meeting and telling her what you desire and how it can benefit her is the approach to take

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Best Dorinda!

    This is the first time I read Your blog, and I was positively surprised! You are right of course in giving sub men advice like this!
    I´m a qute, sweet well versed Swedish sub that have difficulties in finding my Domme, I think there aren´t many of them in Sweden!

    Therefore I find solace in reading Your blog, it brings me closer to a real Domme!

    Thank You so much for Your insights!

    Yours/
    Mattias

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    1. Hi Mattias:
      Wow, you are a long way away, thank you for reading my Blog. As you can see its mostly about me but we have a wonderful relationship together.
      We are in California USA..
      I think there are many Women in every country longing for a wonderful man, One that is safe and supportive, and are willing to change to protect their relationship. It also makes for a much more intimate relationship, a much more loving relationship too.
      Good luck with your quest.
      D

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  7. Activity has dimmed once more.
    If you boys have met a woman and have become friendly you probably met in a traditional manner such as work, church, or through a friend. Today we include online dating sites as traditional. When you have gone beyond coffee and lunch and it looks like there may be a connection you are going to have to tell her your wants, needs and expectations.
    Ok boys she will appreciate you telling her because if you don’t you are wasting her time and her time is valuable.
    When you try to explain Femdom or Female led relationships you are going to need to be articulate and vulnerable, she will appreciate the truthfulness. You will need to understand that you are being willing to give up the male privilege you have enjoyed all your life.
    When my boy introduced chastity to our relationship he gave me the gift of his manhood. What had only been a fantasy had become a reality and it was sometimes not what he had expected. Chastity is a gift to a woman you not only give her control and power over your sex life you give her power over hers. When she says no! it’s no, when she says LICK you will lick, if she flirts with a man you are powerless to stop her. This all will have to be explained to her in a friendly understandable way, no sex talk, no porn.
    When wet spot explained it to me I had no understanding of it but I did say I would give it a try.

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    1. Janyne

      I think it is clear that spending the time to get to know, and care for, someone is the only real path to take.

      But there are some women who would never consider the kinds of fetishes that are discussed here; while there are some women who don’t have any idea they would enjoy them, but are at least open to considering them (and have the temperament to accept them).

      And I agree that to have that conversation early enough in the courting, could save problems later.

      If only there were some subtle signs that would indicate a woman is strong enough to open herself up to possibility. How many cards does one put on the table early on….? It’s a puzzlement, as Yul Brynner said on thousands of occasions.

      satyr_returns

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    2. Jayne has a few very key points to make here and I wanted to emphasize one. Notice how she describes the conversation one should have. No porn, no sex talk, nothing so specific about how you (the male) want your desires to be fulfilled.

      Instead, the conversation should be about how you (the male) want her to LEAD. How you want to serve her. How the sexual part is supportive aspect of the proposed ownership. It eliminates the male-centric part of the sexual relationship and places it all at the service of the entire relationship. Cooking, cleaning, errands, etc. are the main points about service. And sex, if required at all, is on her terms. Entirely! The most annoying part of male subs in every community is their constant need for attention to whatever fetish they have. This is probably what puts some women off the whole topic. Who needs all that on a 24/7 basis?

      No. The key to this, as a male, is to honestly wish to serve. Trust me, you will be better off for it. But, you have to come to it with the knowledge that it cannot work unless you give up the dominant role.

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  8. Satyr_return, It may be up to you to drop those subtle signs. If you notice things a new hair style, new shoes, a lip color, if you hold her chair, open doors defer to her and ask her opinion.

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  9. What a great blog! So many insights and practical guidance. I really appreciate reading it all.

    People come in such a wide variety of styles and preferences. I am sure there are many for which this kind of like would not be suitable, or even possible. However, I think there is a very large proportion of people for whom this is both possible and preferable. Thank you for the explanations of how you got there!

    The key insight, and one that it takes some maturity and confidence to acccept, is that the key to all of this is male sexuality. Why not put it to irk in the service of both members of the relationship? This is a realization that so few women have on their own. Not being a woman, I don’t know why more do not discover this…but I hope your blog leads more to this knowledge.

    Thank you again.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Men often feel they have something wrong with them if they are submissive. Women often don’t even know they have a dominant streak. When my boy brought this stuff up I had no idea what he was talking about. But he was good looking, funny and had a house at the beach, he was a catch and he wanted me in charge. Why would that be a turn off?
    The first time I ordered him to go down on me I giggled, now I just point. The above post by Tom Bow nails it, it is all about understanding male sexuality. The boy had some experience with male chastity, the idea of it turned him on, he thought he would be released after an hour or so. He had to learn the reality of it. He gave me the key he put me in charge. Imagine boys you eat her to 3 or 4 screaming orgasms and she pats you on the head and tells you she is going to take a nap while you clean the kitchen.

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    1. Janyne, you are so right! Guys that try your last sentence as a practical experience will find they are better off for it. I appreciate your spreading the word! When done correctly, there is less stress for the woman and more motivation for the guy. All around a great improvement.

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  11. Tom it isn’t for every woman nor for every man but if the idea of it is exciting it is the excitement that keeps it going. For many people the idea of getting spanked is exciting, but spanking hurts! Bondage is exciting but bondage is restricting and humiliating. Each couple needs to be open about what excites them.

    When wet spot put on a chastity device and presented me with the keys I thought oh crap what now. He thought we would mess around a little and I would let him out and we would screw. By day three he was washing windows, giving foot rubs and licking me on demand. I was loving it

    Like

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