I was thinking about some posts from friends here on Word Press and some e-mails I have received from followers lately.

About relationships, Ds, Femdom, vanilla, etc.

I find it hard to believe that it would be hard for a male sub to find a suitable Woman to serve. Are we so fouled up as women that we can’t accept a little kindness from our mate or prospected suitor?  I guess we must be, I think it is then because society says men are strong and dominating, funny though with Women’s liberation in full stride, and Women are not.

I say of course that is somewhat true, even in my case, except that between my husband and me it is the opposite. From the outside looking in it appears we are normal in that respect but in my home and whenever he is with me we both know the real story.

So I do not understand why a Woman won’t play the game if needed and still be the Dominate in the relationship. She gets the best of both worlds. As you all have heard before, why I started my blog, to get the word out..

So I am over simplifying this because I think everyone in Femdom is like me. They’re Not though!

That’s OK.



9 thoughts on “Some thoughts about relationships

  1. Hi D.

    There is a huge block against women choosing to be dominant. I have heard at least 30 reasons why not over the years. One of the biggest oddities to me is that the women who are the most vocal opponents of an F/m lifestyle are usually women who believe relationships should be 50/50.

    I think a lot of this stems from misunderstandings and people not being willing to give it serious consideration. When you look at what dominant women tend to want in a man from a personality standpoint: strong, sensitive, stable, capable, reliable, motivated, thoughtful, polite, courteous, creative, interesting, and with a good sense of humor. These tend to be the same characteristics that people look for in a vanilla relationship… and even a dominant man. Too often women outside of the lifestyle tend to see a submissive man as being “lesser” and weak. The reality is that they aren’t. Is there a way to teach this? I’m not sure.

    I would have to believe that some form of positive mainstream exposure might help that makes this seem desirable to women. What is funny is that fictional characters that display the most telling “submissive” traits in a man are often seen as desirable, but not if that man lacks the other qualities I listed above.

    I had a discussion with one person that touted a theory about the prehistoric base brain and that on an instinctual level women are drawn to want to mate with the strongest man for the survival of the species. While it’s an interesting theory, I want to believe that we as humans have evolved in the past 10,000-12,000 years to a point where we can overpower our basic instincts in favor of more rational goals. e.g. if people chase their instincts and end up unhappy, why don’t they try a different approach the next time?

    As it is, we live in a world where it is easier for a man to come out as gay than to come out as submissive while male dominance, female dominance, and female submission are all readily accepted.

    Take care.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Fur, thanks for commenting.
      Wow you are singing my song, and doing a much better job of it.
      You are right as usual. I have been thinking about this indirectly for months.
      Your response is the key or at least as good as any definition of the issue I have ever heard. I have been thinking about friends here where I live, its rural and old school. I think if I could ask any common Woman in town about FemDom they would envision the dungeon we talked about in one of your previous posts. That belief or vision needs to be repaired or at least expanded to your own home. Yes some of us may be only excited by the dungeon but it is (as I have learned here much broader spectrum) only part of the scene.
      I am on a crusade for Women, so far only Beth, my sister has come aboard. But we need to start somewhere.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, D. This is something that I have thought about for quite a long time. I used to blog about it going all the way back to 2010 (I even used to write “how to convert a vanilla woman into a dominant” guides). It is a lot easier to find non-porn resources now, but it’s still a struggle for women to be attracted to the idea of a submissive man when their mental image of a submissive man tends to be contrary to how they actually are.

        I think a lot of it is that very few women have been treated well and have a healthy level of self-esteem. That is so central to dominance. When that is broken due to years of being neglected and under-appreciated, they may dream about a “perfect man.” That perfect man often has a ton of submissive qualities to him, but is also an alpha. That combination is something that people don’t equate with submission very often, even though in much of F/m, that is the basis of most relationships: Dominant in life, submissive to the wife.

        Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “So I do not understand why a Woman won’t play the game if needed and still be the Dominate in the relationship. She gets the best of both worlds.”

    That’s my conundrum too, I can’t understand why my wife is not more accepting of my desire to submit to her and serve her. I am willing to serve her entirely and she feels that is too much work (responsibility) for her!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi mr bill, thanks for taking your time to read my post.
      It is actually quite a bit of work to be a Dom wife. Believe it or not substantially more work.
      I am always thinking of things for him to do for me. Of course we have the standard routine tasks that have been part of his schedule, as a 24/7 sub he is responsible for many domestic tasks, as well as sexual tasks too.
      The work described above takes a big workload off of me for sure, but I have to keep up new things or rearrange things so our FemDom relationship does not become stagnate or mundane for him.
      I do all of this for my self and my family. I do not want to nor can I afford to loose this man so I work hard at keeping him interested.
      I admit a lot of it is very simple but I need to be on the ball. An example is he walks by, I have him stop and kiss my toes or feet, maybe suck on them for a minute or two if no family members are around or if out at a restaurant or mall sneak a cup or glass into the restroom and fill it with my pee and have him drink it out in public.
      Any of these activities keeps his penis swollen and waiting to be inside me when I allow it next.
      Anyway, I hope She can find the benefits some day and accept the effort she will need for the relationship to flourish..


  3. “I find it hard to believe that it would be hard for a male sub to find a suitable Woman to serve.”

    It is incredibly true. Very hard to find a woman who is already dominant, or overtly so such that a male sub can identify her without the lengthy courtship. These women are rare and are high in demand. More likely to go into a vanilla relationship and hope to entice the woman to accept the femdom lifestyle. Of course, the cultural bias is so strong such that some women still find it hard to accept the lifestyle with a paired partner even though the benefits for her are aplenty.

    This gap between demand and supply is so baffling. But I think you are doing a great job chipping away at it. 20, 40 yrs from now it wont be so wide.


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